Would you have noticed that?

So my wife and I have developed a little game that bears sharing with the world at large. We call this game "Would you have noticed that at the mall." The object of the game is to casually brush up against your opponent, touching them in what would otherwise be an inappropriate manner (if you know what I mean) without the recipient of the harrassing gesture realizing they had been groped. It is sort of like combining sexual harassment with picking pockets. Bill Clinton meets the Artful Dodger, as it were. There are no hard and fast rules so creativity is encouraged. So long as the player on offense (a term which, in this case, has meaning on several levels) derives some purile satisfaction, and the defensive player remains unaware of your advances, you win! After you execute your move, you ask your opponent, "Would you have noticed that if a stranger did that to you at the mall?" If you are met with rolling eyes and a disgusted, "Yes, I would," then you lose (although the awkward, ham-fisted feel you just copped is your to treasure forever). If on the other hand, the harassee seems not to know what you're talking about, congratulations!

One problem we haven't quite ironed out of the game is that it is pretty easy for the defensive player to cheat. Merely asking the "would you have noticed that" question is a big tip off that a groping has occurred. Even if the feel itself was undetected, going for the win gives it away. So far we have had to rely on each other's honesty, which, for us, seems to be working out reasonably well. My wife and I have had a game going for a few years now, and the score is pretty well tied. If you decide to play, you'll want to assess the honesty of your potential opponents. You'll also want to advise your adversary of your intent to play, and be sure they are up for the game. Otherwise, if you find out that you suck at it, you may get more than the aforementioned disgusted eyeroll - I can not be held responsible for any lawsuits, restraining orders, or bodily injury sustained by you or anyone else in connection with an ill-advised and poorly timed WYHNTATM match.

I have noticed that the game seems to be catching on with the general public. Almost every time I am at an airport, on any form of public transportation, or at an actual mall, someone tries to go a round with me. I usually notice, though, and often tell the other player that I know what they did. I haven't yet developed my skills to the point where I feel comfortable initiating a match with strangers, though.

What's that? Oh, I am 35 years old. Why do you ask?