On the Olympic Games

If you're like me, you've noticed that the 2010 Winter Olympic Games have started. Also, if you're like me, you love the Winter Olympics. So far I have enjoyed watching ski jumping, freestyle skiing, luge, speed skating--both short and long track. I've even watched a bit of biathlon. All of this has raised a few questions for me, which I'd like to share.

I was watching the women's freestyle skiing the other night, and I began to wonder how some of these sports come to be. The freestyle skiing, in particular seems an unlikely sport. After a bit of research* I learned that it originated when some hapless rube skied off the well-groomed trail and into the woods and the rough snow pack it contained. He then hit a particularly large mound of snow and went flying into the air, skis crossed behind him, and as he tumbled through the air, he eventually landed in the upper branches of a tree. Well, his skiing buddies saw all of this and assumed he meant to take this route and followed suit. The rest is history, and the sport has evolved into the test of steel nerves, springy knees, and insurance coverage for chiropractic services that we observe every four years in the Winter Games.

Then I had an idea for a new sport in the Summer Games--perhaps the International Olympic Committee will consider it for the London Games in 2012. Here's my idea: Construct a street with a slope of say, 20 degrees. Fill it with potholes, and put two ramps on it. Then get guys to ride bikes down the hill, over the potholes, and when they get to a ramp, they have to do some sort of aerial trick. Genius, huh? The athletes will be judged on technique navigating the potholes, the complexity and precision of their jumps, and the time it takes to get to the bottom.

Here's another Olympics question: why is figure skating considered a sport, but ballet dancing is not? They're essentially the same thing, only one is on skates, the other not. Consider this analogy: Speed skating is to sprinting as figure skating is to ballet. Am I right? They don't perform the Nutcracker or Giselle in the Summer Games, so why do we have to endure ballet on ice in the Winter? The judging of ice skating is totally subjective, too. If you had two sets of judges watching the same sequence of skating performances, you could get two different sets of results, couldn't you? I would much rather see something like snowball fights--team and individual. Which ever side gets the most hits on the other team wins, or whichever side has guys still standing at the end wins. In any case, there is a clear, unquestioned winner.

There are plenty of sports in the Winter Olympics that I get. Speed skating and downhill skiing, for example. You go as fast as you can and whoever covers the distance in the shortest time, or crosses the finish line first, wins. But suffice it to say, if I ran things, there would be a few changes.

One final note: I watched the Parade of Nations in the opening ceremonies. Ethiopia had one competitor, a cross-country skier (note: cross-country skiing is to long distance running as figure skating is to ballet. I'm just saying...). No luge team. I knew the baby was lying.


*Actual research may be fictitious

My Baby: The Big Liar

So our family recently adopted a four-month old baby boy from Ethiopia. He's mostly a sweet little guy and happy. However, I've discovered a minor character flaw, which gives me cause for some concern: he lies a lot. And not just little white lies, like, "Hey, Dad, you look like you've lost weight." He tells the biggest whoppers you'll ever want to hear. And I don't know what he hopes to gain--the stories he tells are so unbelievable, and yet he tells them with such seriousness and conviction. It's really weird.

For example, one morning we were sitting in our hotel room in Addis Ababa, and he told me that he was a member of the Ethiopian luge team, and would be competing in the Olympics, and did I think I could drive him to Vancouver when we got back. I said I didn't think Ethiopia even has a luge team, but in any case, you're a baby and couldn't possibly have the gross motor skills necessary to control a luge. Plus, you can't even walk, let alone get a running start to get the luge going. He changed the subject and spit up all over his clothes.

Then, on the plane trip home, he started acting weird any time one particularly cute flight attendant came around. He'd pretend to be asleep or turn his head the other way. I asked him what the problem was, and he said that he used to date her, and it didn't end well. He had this whole tale about how she couldn't get over him, and he had to get a restraining order, I don't remember all of the details, but I'm pretty sure it was all lies again. I mean, she didn't seem to recognize him at all, and besides, he's only been around for for four months. I really don't think that's enough time to go develop a relationship, go through a bad breakup, and finalize court orders, is it? Maybe if she was really bat-crap crazy, but she always got my drink order right, so I think she was OK.

Last Wednesday, he asked if he could borrow my cell phone, because he was expecting a call. He didn't say from whom, but just the idea that someone was going to call him seemed a bit far-fetched. I mean he's only been in this country for five days, and the only people he knows are me, his mother, his sister, and his brother. And he's always with us, so we have no need to call him. It was just really strange that he would make something like that up.

But the most egregious example came last night. It was about 1:30 in the morning, and I was up giving him a bottle. In between sucks, he paused, looked me right in the eye, and said, "Hey, man...did I ever tell you about when I invented the Snuggie?" At first, I was taken aback that he addressed me as, "Hey, man." Then, I was just shocked that a baby from Ethiopia even knew about the Snuggie. But then it dawned on me that the Snuggie has been around for more than the four months since he was born.

I don't know what to make of this. Is it normal for a baby to be such a blatant liar? Hopefully it's just a phase that he'll outgrow.