On the Olympic Games

If you're like me, you've noticed that the 2010 Winter Olympic Games have started. Also, if you're like me, you love the Winter Olympics. So far I have enjoyed watching ski jumping, freestyle skiing, luge, speed skating--both short and long track. I've even watched a bit of biathlon. All of this has raised a few questions for me, which I'd like to share.

I was watching the women's freestyle skiing the other night, and I began to wonder how some of these sports come to be. The freestyle skiing, in particular seems an unlikely sport. After a bit of research* I learned that it originated when some hapless rube skied off the well-groomed trail and into the woods and the rough snow pack it contained. He then hit a particularly large mound of snow and went flying into the air, skis crossed behind him, and as he tumbled through the air, he eventually landed in the upper branches of a tree. Well, his skiing buddies saw all of this and assumed he meant to take this route and followed suit. The rest is history, and the sport has evolved into the test of steel nerves, springy knees, and insurance coverage for chiropractic services that we observe every four years in the Winter Games.

Then I had an idea for a new sport in the Summer Games--perhaps the International Olympic Committee will consider it for the London Games in 2012. Here's my idea: Construct a street with a slope of say, 20 degrees. Fill it with potholes, and put two ramps on it. Then get guys to ride bikes down the hill, over the potholes, and when they get to a ramp, they have to do some sort of aerial trick. Genius, huh? The athletes will be judged on technique navigating the potholes, the complexity and precision of their jumps, and the time it takes to get to the bottom.

Here's another Olympics question: why is figure skating considered a sport, but ballet dancing is not? They're essentially the same thing, only one is on skates, the other not. Consider this analogy: Speed skating is to sprinting as figure skating is to ballet. Am I right? They don't perform the Nutcracker or Giselle in the Summer Games, so why do we have to endure ballet on ice in the Winter? The judging of ice skating is totally subjective, too. If you had two sets of judges watching the same sequence of skating performances, you could get two different sets of results, couldn't you? I would much rather see something like snowball fights--team and individual. Which ever side gets the most hits on the other team wins, or whichever side has guys still standing at the end wins. In any case, there is a clear, unquestioned winner.

There are plenty of sports in the Winter Olympics that I get. Speed skating and downhill skiing, for example. You go as fast as you can and whoever covers the distance in the shortest time, or crosses the finish line first, wins. But suffice it to say, if I ran things, there would be a few changes.

One final note: I watched the Parade of Nations in the opening ceremonies. Ethiopia had one competitor, a cross-country skier (note: cross-country skiing is to long distance running as figure skating is to ballet. I'm just saying...). No luge team. I knew the baby was lying.


*Actual research may be fictitious