Reality Bites

In the television universe, summer used to be a festival of reruns. In the modern TV landscape, the reruns have been replaced by so-called reality shows. Some of them I unfortunatetly enjoy, but I daresay they reflect very little actual reality.

There was an episode of "Seinfeld" once where Kramer's girlfriend du jour painted a portrait of him, in which he looked like a dim-witted miscreant. The painting went on display somewhere, and one art patron commented, "He disgusts me - yet I can't look away."

This is how I feel about one reality show in particular - "I Want to be a Hilton." The title alone suggests that the contestants don't just want to have a lot of money, or a great job, or whatever the prize is. They actually want to be someone else. And then the contestants themselves - all the whining and moaning about how they deserve to win? Really? They say things like, "My life has been hard and I've been disappointed a lot, so I deserve to win." Who's life isn't hard? And who hasn't faced a mountain of disappointment? They also say, so optimistically, that if they win they will be happy and fulfilled. Well, good luck with that, I guess.

With some shows, like American Idol and that ilk, the purpose and criteria for success are pretty well defined - you come out and sing a song, and if it sounds pretty good, you can stay, but if you suck, then you pack up and leave. This Hilton show, though, what are the rules? Is it based arbitrarily on who Kathy Hilton likes best that week? If so, the smart money is on the slack-jawed ninny who does the best impersonation of Paris Hilton.

Seriously, is this the best TV we can come up with? OK, it beats C-SPAN (barely), and OK, I sit and watch it like a drooling lobotomy patient (I say things to my wife like, "I like her, I hope she wins," and "They should vote her off - she's just so smug.") but the way I see it, I buy a lot of the crap they advertise on these shows, and the TV networks owe me better.

I'll close with two final thoughts: I miss reruns and God bless Blockbuster video.