I didn't know this would be on the exam

I gave the second exam in one of my classes today. After the exam 1 debacle, I decided to allow the class to use notes for this exam. I haven't graded exam 2 yet, but a cursory scan through them indicates that the notes concession will make no discernable difference whatsoever. I don't know what is the matter with people. I am becoming suspicious that my students spend the week before the exam trying to come up with really wrong answers. On the first exam, many of them took to spraying out paragraphs of random nonsense, apparently in hopes of fortuitously stumbling upon a few relevant words. For this exam, I asked that they not write a lot of crap if they don't know an answer, but we'll see if my request was honored. If not, it's probably just because they didn't understand what I had said.

I had hoped, nonetheless, that allowing them to use notes in this exam would ease the burden of actual thinking. However, here's my mistake as I now understand it:To be effective, notes must adhere to the following two principles:

Rule 1: notes are only as helpful as the degree to which they are understood. Since most of my students can barely tie their own shoes (thus the proliferation of flip-flops), I expect that their notes are themselves a random spew of MTV song lyrics, ad slogans from beer commercials, and lists of inane items to tell their roommate on their cell phones (e.g., "oh...my...god...that exam was, like, so hard!").

Rule 2: the effectiveness of notes during an exam depends heavily on them actually being taken prior to the exam.
Corollary to rule 2: Come to class, dumbass!

Even with their notes, most of the class was still puzzling over the exam well after the normal class period had ended. I gave them an extra fifteen minutes beyond this, and then insisted that exams be handed in. One student had the sheer affrontery to suggest that two of the questions were unfair because, "I didn't know this would be on the exam." What? You didn't know it would be on the exam? Geez, how could I have let that happen? But you got the list of correct answers I e-mailed to you, right?

OK, OK. I give up. The final is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I really want to go out on a positive note. So I am going to do my part to make that happen. I am posting the questions that will be on the exam. Not only are they now available well in advance, so there will be no unpleasant surprises, you'll also notice that I have made the questions more amenable to success (that means they're easier).

1. List three words that rhyme with "hair."

2. What is the opposite of "up?"

3. True or false: Shoes go on after socks.

4. Which of the following would you be most likely to find in your kitchen:
a) a giraffe
b) the Apollo 11 landing module
c) a toaster
d) Oprah
e) a toaster
f) approximately
(hint: the answer is a toaster - pick either c or e)

5. What day is it?

6. If I took away all of your pencils, then gave you three pencils, how many pencils would you have?

7. Do these jeans make my butt look big?

8. Suppose your roommate says, "It's raining outside right now." What does this mean?

9. Draw and label a smiley face. Color it yellow and write "Have a nice day" beneath it.

10. What grade would like on this exam?

Extra credit: What day is it?

I realize that these questions have nothing to do with the class I am teaching, so I may be opening myself up to complaints that we didn't go over any of this in class. In my defense, however, what difference could it possibly make?